There are people telling funny history stories and I wanted to tell my favorite!
Okay, so. When Napoleon invaded Egypt, the Egyptians wanted to get in his good favor, so they sent along two teenage girls to him for him to use as he pleased. Napoleon was disgusted, because um, no, and he was madly in love with Josephine. So he sent them back. And, well, the Egyptian ministers must have misunderstood.
Because they sent back two ten year old boys.
alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot.
one time i was in brooklyn and i saw all these black scary guys wearing a red bandanas and i said “i think they’re a gang” to my little sister and then the leader was like “MAN WE AINT NO GANG WE’RE AN A CAPELLA GROUP.”
well this annoying thing happens like every day:
and there’s still going to be someone who hates peaches.
"boys don’t like a girl with dark lipstick"
"boys don’t like a girl with short hair"
"boys don’t like a girl with too many piercings"
"boys don’t like a girl who doesn’t take pride in her appearance"
I D O N O T C A R E
excuse me but bisexuality means you are only allowed to be attracted to two people in your lifetime and we know damn well about your crush on susie in the third grade so you better use your next one wisely pal
We live in a society that glorifies sexual assault to a degree that when I was a teenager I asked myself whether something was wrong with me for not being groped in the streets. The pride with which my classmates spoke of how apparently every random male hit on them made me wonder whether I was just too ugly to be desired. Something is rotten when harassment becomes the means young girls are taught to determine their self-worth with.
The rape joke is that at the time,
you didn’t know people had sex to express love.
The rape joke is that the only other person
who’d seen you naked was your mom.
The rape joke is that he called you ‘beautiful’ first.
The rape joke is that he held your hands together
and told you to ‘try harder’ when you struggled.
The rape joke is that you believed him
when he told you were overreacting.
The rape joke is that your grandma
called him a nice boy and asked him to stay for dinner.
The rape joke is that he winked at you
when you apologized to your parents for not coming
downstairs the first time you were called.
The rape joke is that his friends
high-fived him for “getting some.”
The rape joke is that you still don’t feel like
you’ve regrown the pieces he stole.
The rape joke is that he was conceived when his
dad slapped himself into his snoring mother.
The rape joke is that her friends told her
she was lucky someone wanted her.
The rape joke is that each year in the United States,
32,000 other women’s bellies
ripen with life against their will.
The rape joke is that he never learned
to touch without scarring.
The rape joke is that your classmate thinks
‘have you seen what asses look like in yoga pants?’
is an argument.
The rape joke is your new boyfriend kissing
you and telling you he ‘raped’ his math test.
The rape joke is that ‘Why are girls so scared of rape? Y’all should feel pride that a guy risked his life in jail just to fuck you’
is a popular Tweet right now.
The rape joke is that you wake up to
the memory of him laughing,
“now that wasn’t so bad, was it?”
The rape joke is that it’s been twelve years and
you still quiver when someone touches you.
The rape joke is that he hasn’t stopped laughing.
The rape joke is that you forgot how to.
"i’m so proud of you," i whisper as my favorite character undergoes well written character development